Vipassana & Tiruvannamalai

So, so much has happened since I posted last! I haven't had the opportunity to formulate a post to do it all justice since I've been in some deeply introspective settings, far from the reaches of the internet. So buckle up for a journey through the vast experiences I've been busy with these last few weeks. (Vipassana & Tiruvannamalai in this post, travels & Hampi in the next)

I left off with my concluding thoughts gathered in Auroville, and those thoughts only deepened as I sat with them in my vipassana course. Once I arrived in the town of the course, a sacred mountain city called Tiruvannamalai, I got lunch with a German couple I met on the local bus who were also doing the course. Then I hunted for wifi, I was on a mission to delete all my social media accounts before starting my course. Found a restaurant and accomplished my mission (I think) and met another vipassaner, a kind woman from Hungary. We waited for the bus to the vipassana center together. Other people who were clearly doing the course were gathering there as well, and I kept thinking I recognized people (a common phenomenon while traveling—everyone seems to have an international twin or two). But then I DID see someone I knew! Another backpacker who I met at a hostel in Laos when I was there two years ago! He and I shared a wide-eyed, mind-blown moment as we reveled in this "small word" coincidence. And then we didn't speak again for 10 days.

I was able to meet a handful of the 50-odd folks taking the course once arriving at the center for registration. Even met a girl who'd gone to college in my hometown and had been traveling the world for two years. But people seemed to come from as close as Tiru to as far as Canada, Africa, Europe, all over. Got settled into the room I'd share in silence with a few other ladies and began to mentally prepare for the adventure.

(only picture I took before turning over my phone)

 10 days of no speaking, eye contact, or communication whatsoever. No phone, journal, books, or other distractions. Just me, my internal dialogue, and over ten hours a day sitting in mediation! Here we go...

Some challenges cropped up instantly. Trying to stay awake and present from 4:30-6:30am was nearly impossible... I entered some strange half-dream state as I tried to remain upright on my seat that first morning. I battled hunger growls and limbs falling asleep and a general sense of self-doubt. But coming out of those morning sittings to the sunrise and cool morning air and delicious breakfast always made it worth it. 

The breakfast break lasted until 8am, then group meditation 8-9, more meditation 9-11, lunch break 11-1, meditation 1-2:30, group meditation 2:30-3:30, meditation 3:30-5, tea and snack break 5-6, group meditation 6-7, video discourse 7-8:15, meditation 8:30-9:00pm. SLEEP. And so it went, every day... 

(all "group" meditations were in the main hall, and other meditations were either in the main hall or optional to go into individual meditation cells)

Needless to say that day 1 felt like it lasted a lifetime. I had no idea how 10 days would ever come and go, but somehow they did. The process throughout all these meditations began with narrowing our focus to the breath. Sensations around the nostrils and observing respiration. From there the focus was narrowed down to just feel sensations on the upper lip below the nostrils. This developed the faculty to sense subtle feelings and once we spent a few days on this, we learned the vipassana technique. 

Vipassana is putting the entire focus on one small area of the body at a time, eventually moving to a free flow, to notice sensations and objectively observe those sensations without developing any thoughts of craving or aversion. By remaining equanimous, the different levels of the mind begin to detach from these sensations. With practice this can translate to dissolving all past, present, and future cravings/aversions that have subconsciously developed over time. These are the knots in the rope that are the ultimate source of all misery, so vipassana teaches a practical technique to untie those knots. 

Well, easier said than done. But I suppose that's the journey! I came to experience the benefits of this technique, while also getting to know my "monkey mind" really well. But as the days passed, so did my thoughts. Not only did they decrease but the quality of them changed... I began to have positive visions for my life and felt a deep love and gratitude for my family and friends. I became much more present and aware of everything I was experiencing—both in the meditation hall and outside. I felt so connected to the sun and the moon and the mountain and grounded to the Earth. Everything just slowed down... I felt every step I took (bare feet for ten days will do that!) and I met myself on a deeper plane of feeling. A wise sense took over that reminded me not only of the impermanence of every sensation I felt, but also the impermanence of my existence on this planet and how truly precious each moment is. I had revelations like this throughout the course but it was as if it was things I already knew, I had just never had the space to actually feel and experience in the entirety of my being. I finally had a space to be with myself at a new level and understand a deeper wisdom of my soul. 

I could go on and on about the benefits I got from this course, and if anyone has the slightest thought of doing vipassana I say go for it!! And I will happily talk more in depth with you about all you stand to gain. These courses happen all the time, all over the world, and have changed millions of lives. And they are all donation-based so there's no excuse not to do one ;)

I wasn't expecting the most challenging part of the ten days to be breaking the silence. It was overwhelming and I found myself missing the stillness of my quiet mind instantly. The external world felt like too much, but it was good to ease into it with calm conversations with the others as we transitioned out of that space. As I took the bus back into the city of Tiruvannamalai, I maintained an internal calm and smiled with ease at every face that passed. I was antsy to get back online to tell everyone in my life how much I loved them, but I ended up just talking to a few people before checking into a guesthouse with some others from the course. We had access to an open roof terrace looking right out at the lovely Arunachala (the sacred mountain that Tiru is built around).

I rested that afternoon and planned out my big adventure for the morning: solo sunrise summit hike. I bought some fruit and gathered what little research I could find on the hike to the top, then tried to get some sleep.

(my nice lil room)

I woke up at 4am in a still-hot room, stretched, filled waters, hopped in my chacos and headed out downstairs, to find that the gate of the guesthouse locked shut. Hmm. I went back up, found a connecting balcony with outside stairs, and delicately climbed over and descended to freedom! I nervously walked streets and alleyways, passing people sleeping and barking dogs, eventually making it to the start of the path. Within steps I was already sweating profusely, the outside temperature most likely around 80 degrees even at 4:30am. The full moon was still out so I didn't need to use my flashlight for most of the hike. But I definitely clicked it on every time I heard a scary noise coming from the dark forest surrounding me. Eventually I made friends with my fear and accepted I was alone (a thought that felt safer than the others that insisted I was followed or would be turned around for trespassing or something). 

The city was beautiful at night, quiet but gradually waking up with lights, honking, and temple songs.

I connected to the summit trail which was luckily VERY obviously marked with small painted arrows. 

I could continue without a light by following these arrows up the winding trail and rock scrambles. I pushed and sweated and didn't rest much as I hiked up and up for two hours. As I finally approached the top, the sky had just begun to lighten. I passed one other man and saw another chica around my age right before the top (hell yeah).

I cannot put into words what it felt like to arrive on the top of that holy peak, alone with the full moon to my back and the sunrise colors in front of me and 360 degree views as far as the eye could see. It brought tears to my eyes. All the fear and self-doubt I had evaporated with the clouds and I was left with clarity and pride. The sun rose as the moon set and I sat and breathed the freshest air I ever inhaled in India. 

I stayed and meditated for some time, as the others slowly arrived and did the same.

On the way down I began passing more people who looked fairly miserable in the already beaming hot sun, including a Dutch couple who I met volunteering in Auroville. I gave my friend some water since they had already run out on the way up. I invited them to breakfast at a highly-recommended café afterwards. My descent was fun and blissful, and I was grateful to have gone before the blazing sun was out. Shoutout to my chacos for making it all happen! 

After making it back, I showered and treated myself to a healthy breakfast as a I waited on my friends. 

The next couple days in Tiru consisted of reflection and connection. I tried to keep up a twice daily meditation, and tried to be compassionate with myself when I couldn't. I ran into a lot of people from my course and shared thoughts and meals with them. I explored around the big beautiful Sri Ramanashram and watched the playful monkeys and stoic peacocks entertain people visiting from near and far.

After a few days I was ready to be on the move. Throughout my travels I have often come to enjoy the mere act of moving from one place to another as much as actually being there, oddly enough. I had experienced all I could for the time-being in Tiru, and said my goodbye to the powerful Arunachala as I rode a local bus to my next destination. The same mountain I had first set eyes on two weeks prior, the same one I grew to admire from a distance in vipassana, and the same one that brought me to multiple forms of salt water leaving my body as I got to know her top to bottom. She left me full of humility and peace and gratitude as I transitioned into the next chapter ❤️