Leaving Tiru ignited a peaceful excitement, a readiness for the next phase. I caught a tuktuk to the bus stand, walked about asking "Bangalore? Bangalore?" and followed where people pointed me. Hopped on a rickety local bus and got a window seat to the back. 

Rode along for about 5 hours, found myself at a bus stand in Bangalore where I caught another local bus to the main bus station. Hopped off there and walked to the overnight bus company I had booked to Hospet (town near Hampi). Dropped off my pack and wandered about the streets since I had a few hours to kill and I wanted to get some energy out so that I'd actually sleep on the bus. I found a little restaurant and forced my way through a damn spicy veg curry. Refreshed myself with a sweet lassi and went back to the bus waiting area to read. Oddly enough I saw not one other white traveler in all of Bangalore. All Indians, and mainly Indian men too. I felt very foreign and the farthest from any sense "home" than I had in a while. 

I got little rest for the first few hours on the sleeper bus, but eventually dozed off for a solid chunk of the night before being awoken to someone tapping my pillow and saying "Hampi Hampi, get off here for Hampi!" I gathered my stuff and slid off the bus where I found myself in a new city (Hospet) with my backpack out on the road. I scooped it up and headed for a chai stall. I accepted an offer from a tuktuk driver going to Hampi (he also helped me find a toilet and warded off a local kid trying to charge me to use this gross hole in the ground). He introduced himself as Elephant and asked if I minded if he smoked. Any time I get this question I so badly want to say "yeah I do mind" but end up politely acquiescing. The breeze blew most of the smoke out of the tuktuk anyways and all was alright as the sun made its appearance through the palm trees and boulder plains.

 He asked me if I'd ever driven one before and I laughed and said no, so he had me hop up front and taught me how to drive it! Gears and brake on the left hand and gas on the right. I joked for him to get in the back but he wasn't that comfortable with me yet haha. That was a new one! 

Once in Hampi, I got a delicious fruit bowl with curd and homemade muesli. More chai. Navigated my way down to the river and had to hop the boulders and partially wade across, with the assistance of random locals giving me a hand up and down the rocks! I easily met Ulli who would be my host for the next week at the beautiful Ecodaya wilderness sanctuary that he and his brother have spent over 15 years establishing. We chatted and grabbed some groceries and I enjoyed a fresh coconut. After a short bike ride we were on foot, hiking through rice fields and forest and rivers, in to the island retreat.

I met the only other visitor, Ulli's friend from Auroville (UK initially) named Dave. These two became the extent of my social interactions for the week and they made great company. The set-up here is beautifully simple: meals at 10am, 1pm, and 5pm, and the rest of the time is used however the visitor would like. People even come stay for months on end in silent meditation. After 10 days in silence I opted for the "soft retreat" where I could balance my solitude with some socializing. 

My first step was choosing a cave. Over the years 20+ caves have been set up for guests to sleep in, all tucked away in the impressive natural boulder formations. Ulli showed me probably 10 that are in good shape (it's a lot of work for one person to maintain all the caves at once). I chose one named "Wind" on the side of a rock outcrop facing away from the noise of local villages and roads. The air element has been a recurring theme in my time here, and with the temperature steadily climbing, Wind sounded pretty good to me. 

I spent the afternoon setting up my sleeping mat, bedding, mosquito net, and locked away my valuables with Ulli.

After dinner, I enjoyed watching a solo serene sunset outside my cave, embracing the breeze on my bare body... Free. Connected. Peaceful. Once tucked into the cave, I journaled under the light of a candle and tried to pretend the noises of the night weren't scaring me! I drifted to sleep for a few hours before I awoke to, yep, wind! I was grateful for a cool breeze as a break from the hot air. But the wind brought with it some drizzle, then rain, then downpour, then fast approaching lightning and thunder! I started putting on layers and curled up into a ball to avoid the rain which was starting to enter from various angles and places around me. The storm quickly intensified while I made some attempts at waterproofing with a poncho, but everything was starting to really get soaked. 

Just then I heard Ulli's voice and saw a light as he climbed over to me. He had me gather everything I could and move down into a building with spare bedding. We carefully and swiftly descended from the rocks in the downpour with bright lightning and deafening thunder all around us. I got into the shelter, thanked Ulli, and made my nest for the night. The storm gave me a rush that kept me from sleep for a while, so instead I watched it from the door and soaked it all in. Water, wind, and the powerful explosions of lightning left me charged and humbled. 

The following day required a lot of moving and washing and arranging and resettling. After exploring more options with Dave, I chose a closer (and drier) cave to settle into: Om cave.

I wasn't as connected to this cave as I was to Wind initially so it took me a day or two to feel I'd really gotten my set-up down. I had to craft some bamboo posts for the mosquito net (one of which only collapsed once, so success?)... Eventually I got into my rhythm and introduced some intentionality with my time. 

I began every day by waking up in the pre-dawn darkness and recounting my dreams (I had SO many here) which I recorded in a small journal. I took a bottle of water and yoga mat up into the rocks, through a boulder chimney, up onto a flat rock overlooking the entire river valley in all directions. I sat in stillness as the colors of the sky started their show, the birds and plants and creatures all waking up harmoniously to the new day.

I eased into a yoga practice under the waxing moon and rising sun, enjoying the slight breeze and relative coolness of the morning. 

I usually followed this with my first mini-shower of the day (many were required to keep my body heat regulated).

I journaled or meditated or read before joining the guys for breakfast. We'd eat our fruit porridge and drink tea as we watched nature's critters and discussed topics of the world. I mainly listened, absorbing their knowledge and reflecting on how much there is to learn yet. Sometimes we would make a plan to go swimming or explore somewhere new, and I experienced a nice balance of activity and rest. My personal time was spent meditating, reading, journaling, exploring, swimming, making art/cairns, observing nature, and helping out where I could. And from all that, plenty of thinking, feeling, reflecting, learning, and inevitably growing. And coined a mantra for myself in emotional times, "don't think about it, feel about it," so that I can skip over the stories, get to the root of my feelings, and experience those instead.

Themes of my growth here revolve around authenticity and honesty, awareness and presence, loneliness and self-love. I got really vulnerable with myself, acknowledging that even though I was in a beautiful place that I'd chosen to be in for a week, I still nursed an underlying sadness that stemmed from missing the presence of love from others. Experiencing such visceral solitude gave that much more value to being in relationship with others. 

I've been curious as to where currently I stand on the introvert-extrovert scale since I feel it's changed over time. I had always considered myself an extrovert but in the last few years really gave honor to my introverted side. And this trip has been by far the most space I've ever held for my inner introvert. In this space, I experience myself in an incredibly authentic way. I go with my flow, I am creative, I am patient and conscious and still. 

And I also am lonely. I didn't realize how disconnected I really was allowing myself to be from others until being on Hampi Island, at a little slice of heaven called the Goan Corner. I first went for a dinner with Dave and Ulli before Dave went to catch a bus back to Auroville. I actually had my first beer in months for the fun of it with these guys, and enjoyed a delicious malai kofta as I scoped out the scene I'd be dropping into in a couple days.

 And it looked wonderful.. tables were bursting with happy, tan, chatty, young climberfolk. I noticed the subtle shift from introversion to extroversion beginning.

I returned to the island for my final full day and a half there and tried to really soak it all in. I came to accept my spiritual/introspective persona as just a child, and stopped pressuring myself to fell like it had to be an advanced complete entity... What I mean by this is instead of forcing the need to have a fully matured and disciplined spiritual identity, practice, and knowledge, I can have compassion for this relatively new and growing side of myself. I can guide it as I would a five-year-old, with patience and play and acknowledgment that things are going to get messy. But the messes will get cleaned up, and over time the child's personality will unfold naturally, with love. So now I have an excitement to see how I'll develop, what new horizons of the mind I'll discover, how continued self-reflection will guide me on the adventure of fulfilling my life's purpose. One baby step at a time.