Just when I'm finally adjusting to being home, I'm packing up to leave again. Tomorrow I drive from Boulder to Salt Lake City, then SLC to Boise the following day, and straight to Bend on Sunday!

Being back in Boulder has been so strange... So much stranger than I expected. I think I generally expected it to be like any other homecoming I'd had in the past four years, but it was really weird that it was strange. If that make any sense. I just couldn't really find myself here, and that was an uneasy feeling when I think about how easily I found myself in places so unfamiliar to me for the past six months. People say that traveling changes you, and I didn't really see how I had changed until I came back. And being here has made me realize I have changed so much that I can't even trace the ways in which I am different. I just feel so wholeheartedly different.

That was part of the reverse culture shock, which may have honestly been the first time I actually understood the term culture shock. I caught myself thinking the most obscure thoughts when observing people and places here that I normally wouldn't have noticed at all. And it's refreshing but overwhelming, because I somehow have felt more lost here, at home, than I ever did in a foreign country.

I've been emotional about this, but I have also accepted that this is part of the experience as a whole. And, like everything, it is temporary.

I have been able to direct my thoughts to the good things to come in the near future. Owning my first car! Driving for three days through beautiful scenery. Time to rest and reflect. To listen to music and audiobooks, and to be still. Moving my life into a new space in beautiful Central Oregon! Being united with Eugene and all the beautiful people there. And that's all just in the next few days!

Of all the emotions running through my blood right now, the only one I can name is gratitude. I feel so grateful for everything in my life, in ways I have never experienced before. I just got a cavity filled and instead of thinking about the discomfort, my mind stayed centered on how blessed I am to even have dental care. 

I am also deeply grateful for my experiences and my successes, and even though I feel like I'm somewhat in grief now that my big journey has come to an end, I know everything I gained from being abroad will propel me towards more joy and success in my years to come. ❤️