Two weeks at Auroville have officially passed and I'm starting to feel all settled in and have all the external pieces in place to really start going into my internal work. I realize I've been pretty bad at taking pictures here so I'll put some up now to try and paint a picture of (a small part of) my life over here!

I've been volunteering every morning at a small organic farm called Shambhala only a few minute bike ride from my house. It's only about an acre in size and a year ago was nothing but a barren dirt lot. Pierre, an Aurovillian from France with a deep spiritual practice and love for the land, transformed the space into a beautiful thriving farm.

A papaya tree amongst the beds

Tomato plants, (massive) lettuce, amaranth, all living together 

Pierre and Johan wheeling in our morning lettuce harvest!

Where it all begins...

So many happy babies 

One of two twin kitties who make my mornings complete

And this is my friend Debu, he's lived in Auroville on and off throughout his life and has been working with Pierre for a while now. We've spent hours talking over our morning transplanting sessions and he's been a wise and gracious friend already. 

One day he took me to a gorgeous house to see his old friend who collects and sells precious and semi-precious stones and crystals.

Safe to say it was the most beautiful home I'd seen in Auroville. The owner, an old Aurovillian named Vijay, explained how it was just a barren plot when he came here in 1968 and over the years he transformed it into this sanctuary.

I bought a small moonstone pendant from him which in ancient times was called "the stone of travelers" and promotes calm and intuition. Perfect :) and it can accompany my sunstone I got two years ago in Jaipur and wear every day on my finger.

Debu then had me to his small place for lunch and playing with his three pets and a game of chess (realized I could use some work on my chess skills!)

At the farm, the typical schedule in the morning is we show up around 6:15am, greet each other, and collect flowers from around the farm for a little prayer. 

Every morning is different, new, beautiful. The sun puts on its show as it rises and we work together harvesting, transplanting, weeding, planting, watering, etc. until about 9am when we close with a meditation. Then all the volunteers at Shambhala and an adjacent farm eat a free, delicious breakfast prepared that morning by an Indian cook. And after that we usually go down the street to a tea stall to drink chai and talk and relax :) 

I've also been practicing reiki with Pierre once a week and barely scratching the surface of the ocean of inner awareness that is available there. We even talked about the heart energy and HeartMath which is a heart coherence technology that we used in the wilderness at NVW! It's all connected...

Back at the International House I've been meeting many wonderful people and engaging in regular conversations and activities with them.

My friend Kelsey in still in college back in the states and is doing a term-long internship with a locally started and run company called EcoFemme. They promote sustainable feminine products and donate pads to girls across India who can't afford menstrual products. She's an awesome pioneer in spreading the word on this cause and her passion is inspiring. That and she's a great person to goof off with!

 

My days consist of so many vastly different and engaging activities it's hard to detail all of them here now, but I hope to keep taking pictures and documenting all my experiences. Just know for now that I'm healthy, happy, doing my yoga and meditation, engaging in this unique community, and practicing presence. So much more to come! 

This first week in Auroville has been incredibly revealing and eye-opening to my inner world. One of the volunteers here described Auroville as a place where you are revealed to yourself. I am finding this to be more and more accurate as I observe myself in new places and situations. I have seen some of my patterns come up and I'm still in the middle of it all trying to get a grasp on the ever elusive "what's next?"...

The beginning of my stay is characterized by lots of socializing, figuring out each other's names and froms and how-long-are-you-here's and where-are-you-staying's and what-are-you-doing's. Making fast connections thanks to the travelers mentality and the spirit of Auroville. And from there, well, I have been doing a lot. I've biked all over, cooked meals, volunteered on farms, meditated in Matrimandir, enjoyed (lots of) chai, made fresh pesto, attended a somatics class, danced around an African drumming bonfire, laughed with children, watched sunrises, practiced reiki, yoga, journaled, cried, breathed, felt, missed, love, and so much more. 

And this is all just the beginning. But I haven't had structure to any of this, no sense of connectivity or overall growth. In the yoga world there is a discrepancy between the "doing" mode and the "being" mode that one can exist in, and you can guess which side I've been stuck on. That hardest aspect of this doing mode is mindlessness... I have struggled with not being present with myself and even during intentional times of stillness I cannot get my mind to shut off. The so-called monkey mind has been more active than ever (or am I just more aware of it?)...

Some of this struggle can be attributed to contradiction of "distractions." I am distracted by these activities and by socializing and tuning into all the fucked up and wonderful things happening at home, but all of these are also important to me. So it's confusing and I don't really know how to strike a balance on my own. Part of the struggle is also experiencing very real loss and heartache which seems to have an anchoring pull on the mindscape. And part of it is simply transition, adjustment, change. Things that have deeply challenged me for as long as I can remember.

I think I have been taking pressures with me from home. Internal pressures to have a grand life-change and find all the answers. External pressures to gain something transferable here and apply it to my future (and to have that figured out as well). Maybe it's unfair for me to expect these results and changes overnight, if at all. I still am attached to the people and habits and thought patterns I've been closely connected to for years, and even though I am in an entirely new setting it may take a while for me to grow out of the old and into the new. Okay, so compassion for myself seems more productive than judgment (now to put that into practice...)

Congrats if you've made it this far through my lengthy vulnerable post. I'd rather be honest here than describe only the positive or surface-level experiences I'm having. Which reminds me, I do need to mention some of those! 

My living situation is wonderful, I enjoy the natural balance between personal time and engaging in our little community at the International House. I am so comfortable here. I have my own space, access to a kitchen, laundry, wifi, other interesting people from all over the world! A bike! Surrounded by nature. It's all good. 

All Indian names have a meaning (usually a God) and since the same is not totally true for American names, my Indian friend wanted to give me an Indian name with a meaning. He went with Arshika, meaning "who gives happiness" :) so I guess I have been pretty happy here. Who knows maybe I'll change the blog to Arshikadventures! Stay tuned...

Auroville. Home. I have arrived!

Upon my midday arrival on Saturday I was greeted by the family who manages the International House. Mom had to put baby down for a nap so 10-year-old daughter gave me a tour of the place :) wow is this spot amazing. Very good vibes. Everything is done in a very eco-conscious way (okay, don't roll your eyes yet, this is extremely progressive for India). Composting toilets, segregated recycling and compost, recycled rainwater, solar energy, all natural building materials... Motivation for replicating these standards for future building projects!

My room is one of 15 in a three story building with a gorgeous open yoga deck on the top. Each floor also had communal hang out space complete with comfy seating and hammocks. Feels like I'm living a dream! Everything is very open so there are breezes and sounds of the jungle flowing through my room and the buildings. Pretty much the closest I can get to sleeping outside without physically laying on dirt. 

I immediately met some wonderful humans staying here (more Americans than I expected!). One girl was just leaving that evening, I was actually taking over her room. She gave me some well-timed advice and we connected on a lot of levels. Beyond her being a helpful resource and inspiration to me, I was so grateful to just have a deep conversation with someone who could really relate to my experience after being alone with it for a while here. Sometimes the universe gives us gifts in the form of people, and she was definitely that for me.

She invited me along with some other friends staying here into Pondy for dinner before she had to catch her bus. Seven of us squeezed onto three bikes and rode into the hectic city holiday traffic (Pongal, a national new year holiday is going on all weekend, yay!). Pro-tip: Motorcylcles/mopeds = "bikes" and bicycles = "cycles" here. I have definitely been confusing people. The 7 of us got a big Indian dinner and walked around before eventually sending our friend on her way. Had a beautiful ride back with a new friend on the back of his bike under the full moon. Starting to let the waves of joy wash over me... It is such a beautiful transition back into "being" mode from the constant "doing" mode.

More gifts appeared in the form of a sweet couple staying at the International House who have been in Auroville a while and could offer me some guidance as well. Over breakfast we discussed various volunteer opportunities through farms and schools, which I hope to start up this week. They also told me how to gather certain information and invited me to events, with the wise caution to balance individual time with all the many things constantly going on in and around Auroville (which I'm not great at but definitely need to practice).

Still I went to a workshop that morning at the Unity Pavilion. The second of three series, all on community intelligence through challenging social barriers and being mindful in body and spirit. Uh... what? I had no preconceived notions of what these 3 hours would hold so I just went with it. Nearly 100 of us together slowly moved, walked mindfully, bumped into each other, tickled, rolled on the floor, and noticed our emotional responses. We did some martial arts based activities which helped us learn to absorb forces and trust one another. It was incredible that day one I was challenged to bring awareness to so many different areas of my inner world. I gained some insight for my goals around stepping into vulnerability, trusting forces that are bigger than me, and maintaining my inner work throughout my time here.

That day I went to a small grocery store in Auroville and fueled the fire of stoke around being able to cook my own meals in a full kitchen any time I want! That night I went with a friend to an outdoor restaurant where a Brazilian musician was celebrating his last night in AV with traditional Brazilian dance lessons and live music. I think dance will be an area of growth along my Auroville journey.. So uncoordinated, so inspired, so happy, so fun :)

On Monday I got up before dawn to watch the sunrise with a couple friends. We hopped on a bike and arrived at a beach where we tried to overlook the scattering of garbage to appreciate the beautiful scene behind it all. 

After some meditating and journaling, they day went on with breakfast and resting before cycling into a nearby village for a Pongal celebration.

 

Hundreds of people gathered for watching a noisy colorful procession, chucking bananas across the crowds, cheering, and watching the start of a bull race.

 After feeling exhilarated and overstimulated, my friend Kelsey and I find some solace by a lotus pond before cruising back to AV. 

I am amazed by the richness of everyday experiences here, as well as by the little community I seem to be orbiting into effortlessly. More to say, more to come ❤️❤️

Two delicious days in Pondicherry have cruised by... I'm off to Auroville today for probably the rest of my time in India and I'm feeling ready. I spent the last couple days reassimilating to everything about this unique corner of the world. Embracing the complete awaking to the senses and emotions. 

You didn't ask for it, but here are my best and worst sensations so far...

Best taste: raw veggie dosa at a health food place called "Energy Home" with papaya juice

Doesn't necessarily look amazing, but the favors were wonderful and it actually felt healthy to consume.. wowza

Best smell: flowers, everywhere, especially the little white ones that fall from trees

Best touch: Lakshmi the sacred elephant

Best sound: the chorus of various bird calls mixed with the ocean waves at dawn

Best sight: the first view of the deep red orange sun peaking up over the ocean horizon 

Best emotion: inner peace and sense of arrival

Worst taste: a loaf of bread and "cheese spread" I mistakenly bought at the grocery store

Worst smell: well describing the smell of the open sewage canal that runs through the town isn't possible because it's so much worse than just a smell, even holding your nose can not hold back its force... It seems to seep into you no matter how badly you try to run past it. Ew ew eww EW.

Worst touch: the freezing cold shower on night one before I figured out how to make the hot water come on

Worst sound: the constant and mostly unnecessary honking, especially the deafening bus foghorns RIGHT IN YOUR EAR. 

Worst sight: completely uncensored dog sex in the road. Right after I arrived in India. Welcome back!

Worst emotion: guilt for not being able to give to all the beggars.

India is extreme, and it takes a lot to simply find a balance between all the extremes. I think having spent over a month here total from the past has helped me to adjust back quickly to all the stimulus. I am surprisingly not overwhelmed, not jet lagged, not stressed about money, just grateful to feel like I am finally where I need to be. 

On the topic of money... This is the place to travel if you're on a tight budget. I have been keeping track of all my expenses and I have hardly payed $100 for everything so far. Including a 3 hour taxi ride, accommodation for 2 nights, all my meals, groceries, clothes, other odds and ends, and even little luxuries like coconuts and ice cream. All of that would be triple the cost, if not more, anywhere else. 

And now that I have everything I need my only expenses in Auroville will be accommodation, meals, and bike rental. Around $10 a day. Am I saving money?? ;)

This blog allows me to report on all the external experiences I'm having, but there are so many internal experiences as well which are more vast and complicated to communicate. Still, I'll try, because these are the things that will ultimately have an impact on my life, and maybe yours too.

The biggest emotional challenge to solo travel is, simply put, loneliness. I'm in the most populated city I've ever spent time in and although I'm surrounded by others I am completely alone in my experience. I miss friends and family to share my thoughts and stories with, and to help me feel less vulnerable when I'm walking and dining alone. I am able to get on wifi to connect for only a couple hours a day and it's during the time when everyone is asleep anyways. 

I am not complaining, I knew exactly that this is what I signed up for. And the thing is, it's not bad or wrong to feel this way... I imagine everyone does at some point, and some more than others. It is important for me to go into this space to challenge my relationship with myself. I notice so many different things about myself, my assumptions, and my surroundings when I am alone. I have a more human and more vulnerable experience which in time inspires more growth and confidence and self-love. And it is these things that I ultimately gain when I travel. 

I am growing already. I am showing more confidence already. I am feeling more self-love already. And it's just the beginning. 

Breakdown of my travel day(s):

Portland to LA ~2.5 hrs

2 hr layover

LA to Seoul ~12.5 hrs

2 hr layover

Seoul to Singapore ~6 hrs

Singapore to Chennai ~4 hrs

Half hour at immigration

Taxi Chennai to Pondicherry ~3.5 hrs

= roughly 33 hours of travel! Spent reading, doodling, writing, sleeping, watching movies, eating airplane meals, meditating, sleeping, stretching, listening to music and podcasts, sleeping, staring out windows, and deeply contemplating life... The usual.

Hiccups throughout these long travel days included but we're not limited to:

- Taking the light rail to the Portland airport for the first time and ending up arriving much later than I had planned. When I saw the ticketing line I had to wait in to get my boarding pass, my heart sank. It extended beyond the cue lines and looked like it might take an hour to get through. 

- Being paged twice at the next airport as I made my way to my gate, just to find that they couldn't print my boarding passes that I would need for my connecting flights.

- Arriving into the Singapore airport delayed enough to give me measly 20 minutes to get across the entire airport before the gate closed on my final flight.

Oh the world of travel! I was quickly reminded of the emotions that come with these kinds of travel experiences, and also the choice and empowerment that is offered in them.

My theme/intention/manta as of late is TRUST. More on this later but wow did this prove to be so necessary and true to get me through the stressful travel moments.

So that line at the Portland airport? Turned out it was only about 20 minutes long, leaving me enough time to not only get through security and to my gate but to also grab some Cafe Yumm for the flight.

The printer issue? They called someone from a different desk and had them bring over my boarding passes, fresh off the press.

My seemingly impossible connection time? Nice airport employee waiting with one of those white glorified golf carts to whisk off the few of us who were delayed right to our gates. 

The choice to channel momentary trust over worry seems to be applicable in every situation. I mean I definitely had some worst case scenarios running through my mind, but I learned something here. It's okay to feel and acknowledge those, but then the challenge is in letting them go and not dwelling. Investing that worrying energy into trusting energy. Knowing it will all work out, because it has to work out.

Once I raced off my final airplane of the adventure, I was hit with the familiar dense air and within a few steps was reunited with a thin layer of humid sweat coating my entire body. Swollen feet. No toilet in sight. Mosquitos. Why am I here again?

Then the coast-hugging drive all the way down to my beloved Pondicherry dazzled my eyes. Here she was, in all her intensity and beauty. And here I was, ready to fall back under her spell. 

Hey blog, it's been a while. Guess what— Caroline is exploring again! Well, I suppose I'm always exploring, but once again I'm headed to a land far away where the people in my life may have never been. So it's time to start cueing y'all in again, for India round three.

First a quick catch up: I've spent the past year and half living and working in beautiful Bend, Oregon. Wilderness Therapy was the calling, and I answered with over 30 eight-day shifts living in the woods with people who challenged, motivated, inspired, and ultimately changed me. Tremendously. To the point where I'm out of touch with that deep, wise, inner self. A place I've had glimpses of in the last couple years but have not been immersed in. And so, India beckons. 

I had a feeling that eating dehydrated food prepared by a variety of struggling youth, relying on layers and fires for warmth, and fighting the demons of trauma and loneliness would only be sustainable up until a point. I didn't reach that point, but I'd seen others before me reach it and I knew I didn't want to reach it. And with support I announced my need to take some time away, to hit the reset button, before I was burnt out from this cathartic line of work.

So I took a hike, I listened to my gut, and tuned into my heart. Suddenly all signs pointed to Auroville. If you've followed my adventures before, you might remember how special of a place this was for me on my last visit to the Pondicherry region. I found myself encountering my soul in the most surreal way on one magical morning at the heart of the city, and I've been drawn to return ever since that fateful visit.

I could go into an extensive history lesson on Auroville here but I'd rather unfold the details as I encounter this town throughout my own experience. In the meantime, I will highly recommend a quick visit to any of these sources. My pervious visit here:  http://www.carolinexplores.com/2014/12/this-post-will-be-one-of-those-that.html

The Auroville website: http://www.auroville.org

A documentary: https://youtu.be/hU40Ba4GXjE

There are also countless videos visitors and residents have made over the years at this incredible place, so if you're interested further, they're worth a watch.

So there's the why and the where. The why has more to it which will also unfold along my journey back oversees. The when is on January 10th, starting 2017 out with a big shake-up, and hopefully staying until early April. I'm already bustling with excitement to get back to my home away from home, by way of Portland, and LA, and Seoul, and Singapore, and finally Chennai... See this why I asked for podcast recommendations! I have a feeling I'll need all this travel time to mentally prepare myself anyways.

Well my next post will be coming to you live from incredible India. Again, I'll try to maintain a consistent pattern of updating those who are interested on this platform with pictures and stories, if I'm not too immersed in the present experience at hand. 

This couldn't be possible without feeling the undying support from so many beautiful people in my life, and for that I am endlessly grateful. Maybe my words will inspire others to explore new worlds for themselves, even the hidden worlds of the inner self. 

Stay in touch with me through iMessage, email, snapchat, or telepathy!

720-939-0899

cqhager@gmail.com

carobot

~~~~~~~

With love, 

Caroline