This first week in Auroville has been incredibly revealing and eye-opening to my inner world. One of the volunteers here described Auroville as a place where you are revealed to yourself. I am finding this to be more and more accurate as I observe myself in new places and situations. I have seen some of my patterns come up and I'm still in the middle of it all trying to get a grasp on the ever elusive "what's next?"...

The beginning of my stay is characterized by lots of socializing, figuring out each other's names and froms and how-long-are-you-here's and where-are-you-staying's and what-are-you-doing's. Making fast connections thanks to the travelers mentality and the spirit of Auroville. And from there, well, I have been doing a lot. I've biked all over, cooked meals, volunteered on farms, meditated in Matrimandir, enjoyed (lots of) chai, made fresh pesto, attended a somatics class, danced around an African drumming bonfire, laughed with children, watched sunrises, practiced reiki, yoga, journaled, cried, breathed, felt, missed, love, and so much more. 

And this is all just the beginning. But I haven't had structure to any of this, no sense of connectivity or overall growth. In the yoga world there is a discrepancy between the "doing" mode and the "being" mode that one can exist in, and you can guess which side I've been stuck on. That hardest aspect of this doing mode is mindlessness... I have struggled with not being present with myself and even during intentional times of stillness I cannot get my mind to shut off. The so-called monkey mind has been more active than ever (or am I just more aware of it?)...

Some of this struggle can be attributed to contradiction of "distractions." I am distracted by these activities and by socializing and tuning into all the fucked up and wonderful things happening at home, but all of these are also important to me. So it's confusing and I don't really know how to strike a balance on my own. Part of the struggle is also experiencing very real loss and heartache which seems to have an anchoring pull on the mindscape. And part of it is simply transition, adjustment, change. Things that have deeply challenged me for as long as I can remember.

I think I have been taking pressures with me from home. Internal pressures to have a grand life-change and find all the answers. External pressures to gain something transferable here and apply it to my future (and to have that figured out as well). Maybe it's unfair for me to expect these results and changes overnight, if at all. I still am attached to the people and habits and thought patterns I've been closely connected to for years, and even though I am in an entirely new setting it may take a while for me to grow out of the old and into the new. Okay, so compassion for myself seems more productive than judgment (now to put that into practice...)

Congrats if you've made it this far through my lengthy vulnerable post. I'd rather be honest here than describe only the positive or surface-level experiences I'm having. Which reminds me, I do need to mention some of those! 

My living situation is wonderful, I enjoy the natural balance between personal time and engaging in our little community at the International House. I am so comfortable here. I have my own space, access to a kitchen, laundry, wifi, other interesting people from all over the world! A bike! Surrounded by nature. It's all good. 

All Indian names have a meaning (usually a God) and since the same is not totally true for American names, my Indian friend wanted to give me an Indian name with a meaning. He went with Arshika, meaning "who gives happiness" :) so I guess I have been pretty happy here. Who knows maybe I'll change the blog to Arshikadventures! Stay tuned...